Observing your thoughts, the way you act, and the choices that you make, is a skill, even an art, and it yields a very strange journey.  Be prepared for the unexpected. In a nutshell, my own personal experience and understanding of self-observation looks something like this:

1. First, we begin to glean that there is actually something to observe.  This takes about 20 years.
2. We become curious and observe for one second.  We are so freaked by what we observe that we retreat and medicate for at least 10 years.
3. We still desire to evolve. After decades of attending self-help workshops, we realize that our spiritual development requires that we observe.
4. We resolve to observe, and begin the process anew.
5. Through observation, we discover we must un-do everything we learned in our New Age workshops.
6. Through observation, we discover we must give up our fantasies, our beliefs, our opinions, even our affirmations.
7. We enter a state of confusion and total disorientation.
8. We fall into despair, stay there for a while, and wallow.
9. We blame and curse the people, the earth plane, the game, the whole enchilada.
10. We realize we’ve stopped observing.
11. We resolve to observe again. It’s not so bad this time.
12. We observe our thought patterns when we want to repeat steps 8 and 9.
13. We observe that by observation we can zap those thought patterns that have held us by the throat for the over 50 years we’ve been alive on this planet. That feels good. It feels like power. We like it.
14. We begin to look forward to those old thought patterns returning so we can fine-tune our zapping powers and see what else we will discover. We happily accept that we are very powerful.
15. Whatever is in the moment, we observe it’s our choice how we play. As long as we are observing, we will always have a choice.
16. We observe that every next moment is punctuated with uncertainty. Sometimes this observation is pleasant, and sometimes it is unpleasant.  We’re OK with both, because we can see that whatever the present situation, there is always potential and possibility.
17. We discover uncertainty is a very interesting dance partner. It gives us the opportunity to be quite powerful and quite creative.
18. The more we observe, the more we are able to observe, and the more there is to observe.
19. The whole enchilada starts to look a whole lot different.
20. ?

What will you discover when you journey into the realm of observation? I haven’t a clue. I just know this has been my experience. But I can promise you that for anyone who does it, observing will open a very interesting door.  It is perhaps the key to those  famous words inscribed above the Temple of Apollo at Delphi over 3,000 years ago:  Know Thyself.  Who are you?  You’ll find out by observing.

One thing I have come to realize  is that behind all that rushing is fear.  Not an obvious fear, but fear, nonetheless.  We  become driven by the myth that there is some destination point, some arrival point that we must hurry up and get to. We  rush through our lives because we are afraid that we may ‘miss out’, ‘arrive too late’, or not get to that magical destination point.  Having rushed all my life, I can tell you there is no such thing as a destination point.  We never ‘arrive’; there will always be a further destination point that our mind will trick us into believing exists just up ahead.  At some point we begin to realize that it’s all about the process, the present process, and that the  journey is never-ending.

In reality, our very rushing causes us to miss out on the essences that we most want in life.  Life is a feeling experience, and we can only feel in the now moment.  The feeling experiences that we want out of life can only be experienced in the present.  Yet somehow, our mind has tricked us into believing it’s all ‘up ahead’.  We get so focused on that future destination point that we miss completely the life that is happening in front of our eyes.  If we stop for a moment, we may see that at least some of what we most want is already here, hiding in some small corner of the present moment, waiting for us to water it with our attention so that it can grow bigger.

It’s not easy to take your foot off fourth gear if you’re a rush-aholic. You have to re-configure your priorities.  What really are you here to achieve?  What’s the fear that’s driving you? It takes a lot of  soul-searching, clarity and discipline to give up all that hurrying toward future-based fantasies and that mythical, magical arrival point.  Whatever causes you to stop rushing, be grateful for it. Sometimes, your worn out, exhausted body may be the one to put on the brakes.  You’re forced to stop. You can no longer rush. You’ll find yourself  in a strange environment; you’ll even experience culture shock.  Such is what it is like for a rush-aholic to finally arrive in the present.

The present moment–aahh, could this be the arrival point you were always seeking?  As you move toward becoming a recovering rush-aholic, you’ll find the future will begin to drop away. Don’t be alarmed… no, you are not dying.  There is something up ahead, but you no longer try to live there.  You can take your time.  You understand that you can feel only in the present, so what’s the rush?

AAh, if that were only true.  But alas, we humans are much more powerful than we’d like to admit, and with a little clarity on this subject, we might be motivated to get off our fantasy float forever and become a lot more productive… and happier.

Fantasies are about the future. They are made-up scenarios that make us feel good, or so we think. In reality, fantasies medicate us from showing up in real time. They keep us from taking stock of what is in our ‘now’.

“But wait!”, you say. “I did show up in my ‘now’. And it stinks. And that’s exactly why I am building plenty of fantasies.”

It is true that for many of us, the present we find ourselves in is not exactly what we desire. But if we linger long enough, we will also discover the next step that is actualizable for us in this ‘now’.  This step is golden and well worth giving up your fantasies for, because it will lead you out of “what stinks” onto the path that will take you to your heart’s desires. If you spend your time fantasizing about the future, you will never be around in the now to see the real steps that are possible–and even necessary–for you right now.  

Spotted Eagle, a spirit guide, likes to say, “We’re always at the airport when our ship comes in.”  You can trust that the universe is bringing in your ship every moment, but are you here to see it? If we can discipline ourselves to ditch the airplane ride to fantasy island and keep ourselves in real time, one moment at a time, we will find we no longer have the need for fantasies.

But first, we need to understand the present moment. Contrary to popular New Age beliefs, the present  moment is not for the faint of heart….  
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